A Rattler’s Tale
By Mike Kordik 

Buck was the damned best cowboy I ever rode the range with! It ain’t puttin’ things too mild, though, when I say that Buck was different from most folk. He was the toughest, meanest, most ornery cowboy I ever did see….but it wasn’t this that made Buck different. No sirree!  Buck also had a real soft spot for critters of every stripe….includin’ skunks…but it wasn’t even this that made Buck different, not even close. What made Buck different was his pet rattlesnake, ole John Henry.

Buck Meets ole John Henry

To hear Buck tell the story, he was ridin’ the fence one day when he spotted a fallen post. Dismountin’ his faithful horse, Nellie, he bent down to brace the post with some rocks. Suddenly, outta the brush and without any damned warnin’, ole John Henry up and bit Buck’s hand a goodin! Bein’ as he was afraid of nothin’, Buck hardly flinched at all. He’d been bit dozens of times and had built a sizeable immunity to the venom. But when Buck laid eyes on ole John Henry, he was flat out amazed! He was the biggest diamondback he’d ever seen. Why, he was a good ten foot long with a head the size of one of those fancy saucers that the ladies used at their high teas! His body was as thick as a grow’d mans arm and as for his fangs, well, they were the size of two knittin’ needles Buck’s mama used to use. 

Now, Buck noticed right away that ole John Henry wasn’t farin’ too well! Seems like Buck’s blood was disagreein’ somethin’ almighty bad with ole John Henry. Now, I never heard of such a thing before, but Buck swears it’s true; he said ole John Henry just broke out in a terrible sweat and lay there, real sickly like.  Buck, bein’ soft with animals, made camp right there and took about to nursin’ ole John Henry back to health! It took a few days but, when John Henry was finally better, Buck mounted Nellie and started ridin’ out. Well, to his surprise, ole John Henry started followin’ right along! Now, one of the things ole John Henry musta caught from Buck was persistence because he just kept a followin’ and a followin’ that whole day! When Buck made camp that evenin’, ole John Henry was right there.

Friendship Develops

Buck spent that whole night wonderin’ why in tarnation there was a snake followin’ him and exactly what to do ‘bout it. In the end, he figured there was just no figurin’ such a thing! The next day, and every day after that, ole John Henry just kept a followin’ him. So, finally, Buck gave up thinkin’ ‘bout how to get rid of him and took to namin’ him instead. He settled on “John Henry” because he was definitely one tough rattler!

To Buck’s amazement, Nellie tolerated ole John Henry too…providin’, of course, he kept a respectable distance. There was one exception, though; ole John Henry could get close to Nellie only if he was locked away in Buck’s saddlebag….where he spent most days sleepin’. At night, ole John Henry stood watch and a finer guard a man couldn’t ask for.  Ole John Henry dispatched the smaller critters as part of his evenin’ meal and when somethin’ bigger came along, he started a rattlin’…and that was somethin’ else to behold.  His rattles were as big as a man’s fist and when he took to shakin’ em, Buck said it sounded like a mariachi band at a tequila convention. It most definitely woke Nellie and Buck, and usually caused those of the human persuasion to wet they selves just prior to departin’ real quick like!

Bunkhouse Benefit

Their arrangement worked well while Buck, Nellie and ole John Henry were out ridin’ the range, but Buck soon realized that it had its limitations when around other folk. Why, when Buck first introduced ole John Henry to the boys in the bunkhouse, there was quite a commotion. Those that could, jumped out the windows or broke for the door. The rest, started shoutin’ and pleadin’ like you never heard before. After that, Buck and ole John Henry pretty much had the whole damned bunkhouse to they selves!  In time, though, the boys started seein’ that ole John Henry was tame as a kitten…providin’ Buck was around, that is. One by one they started driftin’ back. In fact, they took to noticin’ that the rattlesnake population, as a whole, became a friendlier bunch since ole John Henry and Buck took up together!

Word about ole John Henry spread like a prairie fire in August. Pretty soon visitors were comin’ from all around to see this amazin’ critter. When Buck, a private man by nature, got tired of visitors he would give ole John Henry a sign and he would rise up, flash his fearsome fangs and start a rattlin’. That, of course, restored Buck to his privacy and that right quick! Like folks are inclined to do, though, they soon settled down and the sight of Buck and ole John Henry together became sorta common!    

Barbara Sue Snags Buck

The story coulda had a happy ending right here if it wasn’t for Barbara Sue.  Now, Barbara Sue lived in town and took a particularly strong likin’ to Buck…and Barbara Sue usually got what she went after. On the outside she was pretty as a picture but, on the inside, she was tough as an iron skillet. Knowin’ what side her bread was buttered on, she set herself to likin’ ole John Henry, too. (Now, likin’ ole John Henry wasn’t the same as lovin’ him, you understand, but twas close enough for the threesome to get along.)

Now, Buck was not fully aware that he was courtin’ Barbara Sue, a strange fault common to us men folk, and Barbara Sue was one cunning woman. One day, when Barbara Sue reckoned that the time was right, she mentioned marriage to a stunned Buck.  The very word made Buck more nervous than a lamb smellin’ mint jelly!  He, Nellie and ole John Henry lit out for the range and didn’t show hide nor hair in town for close to a month.  But Barbara Sue wasn’t one to let a small setback bother her none! No sirree! With new determination, she employed all her considerable charms and slowly broke poor Buck of his independent ways. In the end, she steered Buck into the stall she had planned for him all along and the marriage was announced. 

Barbara Sue invited folks from near and far to the weddin’. In fact, it got so large that the tables and chairs had to be set up on the street. On the weddin’ day, after the preacher hitched em up real proper like, there was lots of eatin’ and drinkin’…and dancin’ and drinkin’…and, of course, drinkin’ and drinkin’. Why, those that were sober were sayin’ it was the shindig of the decade. It wasn’t until Barbara Sue, Buck and ole John Henry retired to the hotel that events turned sour.

A Striking End

Havin’ corralled her man all legal like, Barbara Sue set herself to puttin’ her brand on him too! She musta figured that now was the right time to start ‘cause, just before enterin’ their hotel room, she turned to Buck and laid down the law; ole John Henry would not be allowed in her boudoir! Not now! Not never! Poor Buck saw right away that he was cleanly forked on the horns of a dilemma….and there wasn’t any clear way of gittin’ off graceful like! On one hand, there was his beautiful, bodacious, “til death do us part,” new wife. On the other, there was his sidekick and pal, ole John Henry…and, if anythin’, Buck was loyal.

Now, I wasn’t there you understand, but it’s easy enough to figure out; in the middle of the yellin’ and screamin’ and beggin’ and pleadin’ ole John Henry up and solved the problem by bitin’ Barbara Sue right in her derriere…and Barbara Sue was no Buck when it came to toleratin’ snake bite! After some more yellin’ and screamin’, she up and expired.

Buck and ole John Henry broke up after that….what else could they do?  Buck lit out for California and ole John Henry wasn’t seen again. In time, the rattlers started  bitin’ again and the town folk returned to normal.  But to this very day, someone somewhere is discussin’ Buck, Barbara Sue and ole John Henry. Of course, everyone of em has a different idea ‘bout why ole John Henry bit Barbara Sue. Why, one man got all liquored up in the saloon one day and said ole John Henry was a “she” and not a “he”….claimed “she” was jealous of Barbara Sue. When someone suggested that the drunk find ole John Henry and “lift his shirt to see if it shoulda been a skirt,” a gunfight ensued and both men died.

Why did ole John Henry bite Barbara Sue? I reckon only he knows for sure!

Sam And Tommy Beat the Heat 
By Ron Tararella  

As the forest fire raged North of Carefree, Arizona, in early June, 2005, the heroic firemen at the scene were relieved and ultimately refreshed to have dark clouds release a downpour of flame-quenching rain on their battle area, as well as over their fatigued bodies. 

Water Barrier

Wildlife was in high gear as it attempted to distance itself from the wind-driven 14-foot tall orangey flames and gray, opaque smoke, neither of which offered mercy to man or beast in its path. Sam Scorpion was among the desert critters scurrying for his life as he approached a 20-foot wide stream of water which could prove to be as life-threatening to Sam’s 2-inch long body as the fast-approaching fire behind him. 

Scorpions cannot swim, so unless Sam could quickly invent a way to navigate the body of water ahead of him, he would likely die by fire….or drown attempting to avoid it. Sam cautiously inched closer to the stream’s bank and suddenly turned to his right as he sensed the presence of another body…could it be another predator? Luckily not. But before Sam recognized this odd- shaped addition to the scene, he instinctively flattened his body, bringing his tail closer to his body and tight to the ground so that he would “blend in” as naturally as possible. It was easy for Sam to avoid detection due to the transparent tawny color of his body, replete with stinger in tow.  Scorpions do vary in color somewhat to the point where some people have mistaken them for rubber bands if found around their homes, so occasionally they take on a slight reddish brown cast. 

            A Way Across?

            As the stream drew closer in the foreground, and with the fiery discomfort advancing from the rear, Sam’s eyes suddenly swelled with glee as he recognized one of his distant neighbors from a nearby pond who CAN swim….Tommy Turtle! What a sight for smoke-filled eyes! 

As Tommy ambled closer to the shoulder of the stream’s bank, Sam shifted into “chase mode” to catch up with him…which didn’t take long. Turtles aren’t known for their speed, particularly on land, but they are steady, deliberate, and dependable.  (The hare found this out the hard way). Turtles, because they are reptiles, can swim easily on water or under water, enjoying the advantages of four feet with which to paddle, and a smooth shell, or outer body which is friction-free, allowing the turtle’s body to glide almost effortlessly through water. 

Naturally, Sam is well aware of Tommy’s skill in water, and with the fire’s flames rapidly encroaching their limited space, and with the clock showing no favoritism, Sam realized that he had to do some “fast talking” to sway Tommy to do his bidding.  Tommy was still unaware of Sam’s presence and could’ve cared less as turtles are well protected with their hard shell, which offers supreme protection for their soft body which is entirely sequestered inside, including their head, part of the neck, and legs, when a predator threatens his life. Otherwise, when a turtle is in motion, quite naturally, his head and legs are extended from his shell so that he can move about freely, albeit very slowly.   In this instance, however, his relatively soft neck and legs would be vulnerable to certain predators who would do him harm. 

Given their much smaller body size, scorpions tend to move rather speedily, and will use their poisonous stinger carried in their tail, which almost resembles the letter “C,” when poised for attack, to inject into the body of their prey, e.g., a hard-shelled beetle or a soft-bodied cricket. When the scorpion attacks his victim, which could on occasion be another scorpion, he aims for soft tissue, injecting  his poisonous stinger, fluid from which quickly converts tissue to a slurry, or liquid mixture, which the scorpion can then easily “vacuum” into his own body, thereby taking on nourishment to sustain himself.   The scorpion, like any other creature, must follow the food chain and is part of it himself, of course.  As an example, if crickets or other insects abound in and around a house or structure of any type, the scorpion, particularly the bark scorpion, prevalent in Maricopa County, will follow to feed upon those insects and take up residence. 

The bark scorpion is capable of climbing up a rough-surfaced wall, but he cannot negotiate smooth clean glass or plastic; he can flatten his body and tail and enter a building through a 1/8-3/8” opening, depending upon his age and overall body size at the time.   Now, just as Sam Scorpion is aware of Tommy Turtle’s swimming skills, Tommy is acutely conscious of Sam’s venomous stinger, and the ill effect, sometimes deadly, that it can deliver to its victim’s body. 

Hard Choice

Returning to Sam’s and Tommy’s predicament….the fire wasn’t waiting, but the stream was…. and it sure looked inviting to Tommy, as it would offer a surefire escape route for him.  For Sam it was a different story, a choice at this point, of  death by burning or drowning…..unless….unless he could convince Tommy to carry him across the stream to safety on the other side, since it was unlikely that the flames would jump a 20-foot body of water. 

Sam pleaded with Tommy to do just that…..to ferry him to the opposite bank. He begged and begged of the reptile…. “Please take me across with you, Tommy….if you don’t I’ll be barbecued!!!”   Tommy barked back, “And if I do take you, you’ll sting me on the neck and then we’ll both drown!” 

This conversation continued until the fire’s heat and smoke forced them down the embankment to the water’s edge.  Back and forth, back and forth the two creatures seesawed with their respective arguments. One more tick of the clock would have delivered a fatal stroke to Sam….but Tommy finally relented, agreeing to take Sam on his back across the water to the other side, thereby escaping death by fire. 

Nature's Way

So Tommy began to enter the water and asked Sam to climb aboard, once again warning him about stinging him in the neck. As they navigated across the water reaching the midpoint, Sam stung Tommy on the neck!! Tommy turned his head upwards toward Sam, and reminded him that he, in fact, did exactly what Tommy suggested he would do….sting him in the neck, making Tommy dizzy, sick, and so weak that he couldn’t continue swimming, thereby causing them to drown together. 

Tommy’s last words were, “I trusted you, Sam, you promised not to sting me!!!” 

And Sam’s last words were, “I’m sorry, Tommy……I meant to keep my promise….but…but it’s in my nature…..I just couldn’t help myself!!!” 

The End 

Author’s note. The moral of this sad story is that one should never underestimate the difficulty of changing natural  behaviors even in the best of circumstances.